It’s really weird when you’re afraid to be happy. I’m doing this trial at Johns Hopkins, they’re using magnets on my head so I can stop being depressed, it’s either working or I’m throwing myself into cycles, or placebo effect. I’m afraid it’s not going to be normal happy, that it’s going to be mania instead.
I saw Bo Burnham at Lisner last night, it was good times. I laughed more than I had in months, I told Bo that, it’s weird that I can tell total strangers that I’m screwed up but not friends. Then I started freaking out, like twitchy, paranoia freaking out on the way home. I couldn’t sleep, when I eventually did I kept waking up, when I finally got out of bed I was pretty much too depressed to move, I went to Baltimore for the magnets, and twitchy freak outs went down again. I told and showed the doctor, we’re keeping with the trial, unless it gets worse. Now I’m watching torchwood, tired, but content. Not sure if I’m going to be able to stay awake for the game.